From Rosemont, Illinois. Primary airdate: 5/17/09
Umaga d. Cm Punk, Samoan Spike -- pin (***1/2).
So why is Umaga battling Pepsiman anyway? Anyways, hometown rule applies here as Punk does the job, though it was a of course good opener otherwise with lots of nifty spots like G2S countered into a Samoan drop. I don't understand Wwe's obsession having their talent all the time lose in their hometown, unless you're Jim Ross, then you're embarrassed on a grand scale.
Ecw champion Christian d. Jack Swagger, handful of tights -- pin (***1/2).
I of course enjoyed this match and loved when Christian jumped down from the top rope over Swagger and ran to the other side haha... Classic Christian. End came when Swagger went for the gutwrench powerbomb, but Xian flipped out, went for the killswitch, as Swagger pulled away, then Xian did a rollup, with a handful of tights Ftw and to added the feud. I guess Christian is the new dirtiest player in the game. Kind of a lame ending, though. Too bad Christian isn't "popular" adequate to have a clean win.
Meanwhile, Edge and Chavo argue. Edge told Chavo to do something about the cross-dresser calling his aunt a pig. Edge is awesome and one of the best actors in Wwe. He can make a mediocre promo remarkable by the way he delivers it.
John Morrison d. Shelton Benjamin, Starship Pain -- pin (***).
Sadly Charlie Haas has dropped the impersonation gimmick. While I'm excited to see the World's many Tag team reunited, The Great Charli > Wgtt. Anyways, this was a good match, but it was missing something. Maybe it was the crowd; they didn't quite seem to be buying Nitro as a face. Anyhoo. Great stuff at the end as both guys hit some gorgeous spots and in the end Nitro wins with his flippy spinny indy move. Both these guys need more match time; they can put on a hell of a show.
Comedy segment saw The Miz level up jack Alfonso Soriano at ringside and mentions Jannetty (which was a nice reference), bunch of Ducks, Chicago Cubs & Smh. Then bizarrely, Santino makes the save for Soriano and calls him The Fiz. Raw's two most hilarious wrestlers against one another? They should keep that going. A Miz-Santino feud would be priceless.
Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio d. Chris Jericho w/ short pants, 619 -- pin (***).
Jericho is getting stale, he should go back to his smarmy and arrogant ways like his Wcw days. Anyways, Jericho throws Mysterio around the ring like a rag doll and Rey is soooo small compared to Jericho, I don't think Y2J could make this feud work because of it. Anyhoo, the match would have been average if Jericho hadn't done the promo with the 'guarantee' that there wouldn't be a 619; gave a story to the match. And I commonly hate Mysterio matches, because they're so formulaic, but that was a good match, thanks to Jericho. Rey is a total shell of his former self, however. The announcers talk about how he's a "high-flyer" but he hardly does that anymore. He should retire so he can walk 10 years from now.
Flying Batista d. Wwe champion Randy Orton w/ out hair, attacking the referee -- Dq (*1/2).
Finally, a toilet break match. Orton can be okay, but needs man to help him, and that man is not Batista. Same goes for Batista. They just cancel each other out. Anyways, there was a mammoth Rko chant and this was not a pro-Dave crowd. This match just sucked the power out of the show. Both of these guys are like video game characters. Repetitive moves, awkward animations, over inordinate normal mapping, and occasionally victim to lag. If Orton's finishing move was a headlock, he'd win every match. End came when Orton deliberately got himself disqualified, attacking the referee in a cheap ending. Those kind of finishes just make you wonder why he didn't slap the referee two seconds into the match and leave. Post-match, inheritance came down to charge Big Dave, but a 90 year old man makes the save. Whoo. Dammit Flair, stay retired.
John Cena w/ odds to overcome d. The Big Show, Attitude Adjustment -- pin (*).
I love how Cena looks like he's about to cry when he's in that stare down. The Cena Sucks chant is way louder as it should be. And if I had a dollar for every time they said "No one evokes more emotion out of the Wwe Universe than John Cena." and "The Worlds largest athlete." for this match alone I'd be able to buy the Wwe 100 times over. And man, it's remarkable how speedily and severely this Ppv turned from potential Ppv of the year to utter snooze fest. Anyhoo, in the end, Cena overcomes adversity and by God I am so inspired! Miracles do happen! Boring match, though. So if Cena is Superman, does that make having a good match with the Big Show his kryptonite?
World champion Edge d. Jeff Hardy, Ddt off the top rope -- pin (***).
This has been a show where champions come out first. End came when Matt Hardy interfered and attacked Jeff, Cowboy Bob Orton-style with a cast on his arm. This was a good match going straight through until Matt Hardy came out. Judgment Day is then over and there's no Punk and no cashing in, just credits. I guess the hometown rule is still in effect. Still Edge is still the champion, so all is right with the world.
Man of the Night: Miz - he has of course stepped his game up recently and I'm loving it. We've needed a "get under your skin" heel in the worst way; he's so annoying, and yet you cant stop watching because he takes trash talking to a whole new level
Death Threat of the Night: Flair - he should seriously just stay retired. I hope this is a one time thing, and he won't be back to wrestle.
Best Match of the Night: Xian v. Swagger - great match.
Worst Match of the Night: Cena v. Show - boring match.
Jobber of the Night: Punk losing two back to back Ppvs. Guess Cm Punk didn't drink his Pepsi Natural before the match.
Squash of the Night: So inheritance have been wholly dismantled by a 39 year old non-wrestler and a 60 year old wrestler who retired. Nice writing, Wwe. The only time I liked inheritance was when Orton kissed Stephanie as I didn't expect that. Otherwise inheritance have suffered from bad writing, bad promos, and horrible matches.
Blown Spot of the Night: Mysterio took what looked like a bad fall, although he looked ok afterwards, but for a second I plan he was a goner.
Surprise of the Night: Edge-Hardy going on last, and Punk not cashing-in.
Over Done: Matt Hardy run-in was unnecessary.
Homo-erotic Moment: Cole and Lawler acting surprised when Cena won; "He went for the impossible... And somehow he achieved it!" / "Fearless win!" / "Cena has made a believer out of a lot of population tonight!"
Screw the Smarks: No Punk, and a pointless Matt run-in. Wwe is dragging some of these storylines out much too long.
Quotable Quotes: "That chair is all the time dangerous!" -- Michael Cole while the Wwe title match.
Wwe Judgment Day 2009 Ppv recite